so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
