sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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