my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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