Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
