Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
