Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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