I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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