god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
