You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
