when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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