She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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