I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
