Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Is Oprah even human
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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