I wish I could teleport
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
There are leaves in my underwear?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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