My nipple is on Facebook.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Randomize
