just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
