so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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