So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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