I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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