totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
