I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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