ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
