we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
