I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
