So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
