She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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