I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
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