I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
