Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
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