OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
