Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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