So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
