Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
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