my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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