I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
