i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize