just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
