How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize