This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
