Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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