The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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