I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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