i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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