oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize
