My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
