I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
