I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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