thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
