A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
