Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
