Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize