I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
He passed out mid-signature
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
