Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
