My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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