Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
