Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I can't turn off my feet"
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize
