Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
