I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
