I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
