Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
