We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
