we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
