im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Ketchup is God's man juice
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
