Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
