I've blown a few things in my day
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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