Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Randomize