After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Randomize
