We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
