That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
