Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
